It’s funny how well climbing has managed to distract me from my own crazy, gloomy head in the past. As a boulderer there’s a magical place full of fun and frolics. Fontainebleau contains beautiful Sandstone boulders as far as the eye can see, tucked away in serene beautiful forest …
… the last time I was there I spent an inordinate amount of time sitting curled up in a ball, tears pouring from my eyes, in the shower of the gîte me and my friends were staying at. Unable to shift the sickeningly familiar pangs of Depression.
There’s only so much the “You’ve got through it before, you’ll get through it again.” mantra can get you through and ultimately I had to cut the trip short and bail back home to the UK. That said, the most lasting memory from that trip wasn’t the bad bits, it was of one of my proudest moments!
Climbing with Gav Symonds and Mike Langley is always an interesting affair; both climb far harder than me (Font 8A/B climbers respectively I believe?). I always feel very outgunned, but I also feel very fired up to climb my hardest. Heading to the Cul de Chien area, there was one problem to tick off the ‘to-do’ list for Mike - Toit du Cul de Chien a classic F7A problem involving a few nifty moves through pockets on a large, high roof. Arriving there we found a University Climbing club with pads laid out across all the floor like an over-sized patchwork quilt, their numerous members trying and failing again and again. After a patient few moments Gav asked politely, “Do you mind if we have a quick go?” a courteous welcome and Gav pulled on, having climbed it before, he comfortably went straight up it (a Retro Flash if you’re that way inclined), Mike having seen how it was done, stepped up straight away whilst Gav was still climbing down the other side, effortlessly and matching Gav move for move he danced up it too and over the top to meet and mutually congratulate with Gav.

- Never did finish this blasted thing though, I had to resign myself to not having the span! -
I was left alone looking up … “Don’t worry we won’t be offended if you want to go straight up it too!” one of the University members jovially said.
I didn’t want to embarrass myself and lingered before being goaded by Gav and Mike to get on it. Pull on I did, through the slippery, slabby portion up to the first pocket that Gav and Mike had confidently and securely latched, I tried every variation of finger locks and jams and finally settled back to the first position - the one that Gav and Mike had both used unsurprisingly. The next move, was strong and felt utterly insecure, but somehow saw me to the next pocket and prepping to reach up and over to the large hold I had seen both do before … Except I was too short! I couldn’t reach, all of a sudden I was having to make a blind jump to a hold which whilst I knew was good, could have been anywhere! Somehow I latched it, a few inconsequential moves later I was up and over the roof and walking down the slope behind to join the others. Having flashed (climbed first go) a Font 7A climb, something that whilst entirely arbitrary, really did give me a fantastic sense of achievement and doing it alongside Gav and Mike made me all the prouder.
That’s why I climb; those days, nothing makes me happier. Whether it's climbing something hard first go or when I spend ages and ages to do something at my absolutely limit of ability, it's as good as the anti-depressants ;-)